Monday, 12 July 2010

Blog No. 80.

Well Saturday what a night. Thank you for making it so so busy and amazing. I am so very disappointed that I got too sick to continue playing past 2am and had to leave. But what a party it was and it was all made by you , you beautiful people.

I keep getting annoyed that I had to quit and go home but I cant describe to you the pain I was in. I thought I was going pass out and collapse. And that wouldn't have been a good way to en the night. I just wish I could have played that last hour, the glory hour is what I call it as it's when everyone is really up for it.

It's when the most fun happens, and it was my last time to take part in that whilst DJ'ing. God I am so angry that the illness managed to get in the way on MY night. But I know everyone had fun and that's the most important thing to me as a DJ. I am glad you all came and I am glad I bowed without too much attention (not I wanted that glorious moment at the end).

Anyway, for the past week I have noticed a numb sensation in the end of my fingers and in the balls of my toes. I still have sensation and can feel things, but they are numb. I was seeing the cancer doctors today and they don't know if it could be related to my back pain that suffer from, or a side effect of the chemo.

It's a really strange sensation to have especially for all this time. They think it could be because of the back pain as the cancer is pressing on a lot of nerves and tissues, and as I mentioned a blog or two ago I am on a nerve painkiller to relieve the pain when I am touched. Nerve pain is weird as it's not a constant pain with me but a very over the top reactionary pain. Like the slightest touch and I feel electricity shoot through me with pain and it hurts for a quite a few moments after.

I think this is what may have caused the pain on Saturday as a few people where touching and poking at me, obviously they're not going to know, but it happened a few times and I thought I was going to die with pain.

I didn't start taking the Gabapanten until Saturday night as it makes you drowsy and has funny side effects which I bore witness to today. I kept loosing my balance this afternoon, I was vomiting whilst at the clinic. Kinda like your body's drunk but your brain's not. Not fun and kind of embarrassing.

I really hope this numbness stops soon as I don't want it to be a bone of contention, or whatever the phrase is ha ha. But as I said before it's like something goes and something then appears, but this is a whole new thing on me. Something else for me to moan about I guess.

My sleeping pills don't work I went back onto zoplicone, which stopped working a few months back. I decided to go back on them as I thought since they hadn't been in my system for such a long time they would work, well they do but I am having to technically overdose on them by taking 3 or 4 at night to get to sleep. Which I don't want to do, it's not harmful to do this with these but at the same time I don't want to be taking them like sweets.

I am going to have to stop typing now as the numbness in my fingers seems to be worsening and its not pleasant I tell you.

So my thought of the day is...

Numb bum or numb mouth? ha ha!!!

Peace Love and numb numbs

xxx

7 comments:

  1. Well done dude, I'm proud of you for DJing in the face of such pain. Can't have been easy.
    Much love and I hope the numbness goes away

    Aaron xxx

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  2. You are an amazingly brave, inspiring and interesting person! There is so much to learn from you - for so many of us. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings with us. I hope you can continue enjoying the music. My warmest wishes to you, Johanna x

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  3. Through my inane facebook shenanigans, I stumbled across your blog, and I'm so glad that I did. You are indeed an inspiration! The way you write so honestly about everything that you are going through touches people in ways you can't even imagine. You once commented that you wonder who reads your blogs... Well I can't answer for anyone else, but I'm someone who you've really had an impact on. I love your positive spirit and your candidness. I hate what you're going through but I admire how you face each challenge head on. It sucks and it's unfair what you're having to deal with but you, unlike most people on this planet, are actually making a difference to other people's lives! And please don't underestimate the importance of that! Through writing this blog, you're giving strength and perspective to a selfish generation and for that my friend, I salute you!! Much love from a fellow music-lover, Leigh xxxxx

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  4. Ooh, my tune for the night.... Hope it's not too downbeat. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XQI_T1v_8iQ

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  5. thanks Aaron it wasn't easy but i was so determined to do it, but wanted to to the end, but i still threw one of the best nights I have ever done so I cant complain too much.

    johanna as long as if I have thoughts in my head not all of them sense mind you, I will be a typing up this blog, and thanks for calling me brave but I honestly don't think of myself as brave just paul and thats me.

    Hey leigh i love inane facebook shenangins, (usually stalking lol) But I am glad you have came across my blog and that you enjoy reading it, it's and even bigger bonus which humbles to know that I am making some sort of difference, Our generation is very selfish and I hope that when people read this that from to time they think about they're hectic life's thank you for you wonderful comment and I will have a look at your song today!!!


    lots of love,
    Paul x

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