Blog No. 68.

I do not know where to begin. I have had the most horrific week of my life. So much happened it was all due to negligence of the NHS doctors who treated me in hospital last week, as they didn't carry out there job properly.

I ended up having to go back into hospital on Monday night as the pain in my bowels had gotten so intense. it got worse as the days went on. The painkillers IE morphine infused with other painkillers in a drip did not alleviate this. It was torture. I kept passing out from the pain. Whenever I think of the past few days I get upset so this entry may be a bit non-sensical.

I am trying to thin the story out as it is so long and a bit raw to go through it all but I will try. Basically my stent, the tube which keeps my bowels open was blocked with tumour, either new or the original has grown. That's why I couldn't pass anything at the toilet. It should have been the first thing they checked, not give me laxatives and painkillers and send me on my way.

The build up got so bad that my bowel was about to perforate, which would have killed me. This is where I get a bit graphic, I had a C.T scan and the surgeon straight away seen this, I was only x-rayed before which would not have shown what was going on at all. I was transferred and a new stent put in under the original.

As soon as the new stent went in I can only describe an explosion of faecus. I was covered from head to foot, it was in my hair down to my toes. Its the most inhumane, humiliating degrading thing I could ever Imagine happening and it did. I am crying as I type this but it was truly horrible. I will never trust a doctor again as it shouldn't have gone that far. I was left on the truly with a paper bowl under me and told too poo. I was pleading begging to go to the toilet and they said we're to busy cleaning.

The process from scan to new stent being put in was about 2 hours, the stent takes 10 minutes and they do under sedation, not exactly a hassle in the first place. I haven't eaten for about 2 weeks, and will take weeks for may appetite to return as my stomach will have shrunk, it did last time about 3 to 4 weeks it took. But I have lost so much weight through the ravishes of chemo.

I got of hospital today Saturday and I am physically in no pain or discomfort, just got 3 weeks of being stuck on the loo to look forward too. But its has left me traumatised and a little dark inside, the pain rings inside my head along with the humiliation of it all.

I have to stop typing this as I hope you understand it's really upsetting me.

My thought of the day is...

If you wouldn't let a dog suffer why a human?

Peace Love and this wasting disease

xxx