Tuesday, 18 May 2010

Blog No. 69.

I keep trying to find the words to start this blog, but they don't seem to want to flow today. If this is how you find this news out and I haven't told you then I'm sorry, but it's so hard to tell so many people you care about bad news. It's bad enough being told it yourself. But passing it on has been a task for me a very difficult one.

Yesterday I found out that the chemo hasn't been effective and that the cancer has advanced even further, everything has basically gotten bigger. I asked what does that mean, how long do I have left to live and the response was simply and devastatingly, "Months". He then said there maybe other channels I can go down but need to take a month off treatment first.

My sister was with me and seeing her upset like that has broken my heart. I have passed the news on to as many people as I could face last night and every time I told someone it was like a little piece of me was crushed. So if this is how you find out then I am sorry but I couldn't tell anymore people.

It's strange as I feel fine, not amazing as still hardly eating and have a sore back, but I feel fine, definitely not like I am dying at all. I know you will all tell me that doctor's get it wrong and people live for years. I know all this I haven't had my head buried in the sand all my life. I do believe I can be one of these people. So please if you see me out or talk to me don't tell me all this cliche stuff. And I do know first hand that doctors get it wrong it all the time.

My life is in the hands of the God's as they say. I will leave it down to fate and spend this month off trying to get myself back to a fit enough state so I can battle on with this or be Strong enough to do whatever I decide to do.

I don't have anymore information on the in's and out's of it all or what my options are so please do not question me about it. I will let you know what I know when I know it.

The thought of the day is...
What would you do with the rest of your life if you knew you only had a short time left?

Peace love and God please help me!

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