Sunday, 11 April 2010

Blog No. 52.

So yes I know I didn't do a blog yesterday but i had this overwhelming feeling of can't be botheredness. Kinda happens to me quite a lot but usually I just get on with it but I was conserving my energy as Freddy and Rosie (who are bro. and sis.) where coming to visit me to watch Priscilla Queen of the Dessert.

Such fun and nice to have a wee dvd night. I love those two they have a relationship like me and my sister, as there just as close which is lovely to see. The two of them are little rays of sunshine in my life and I love them loads and loads.

So tomorrow I get the results of my C.T. scan and I keep getting feelings of real fear. I keep expecting more bad news as haven't had any good news with every visit I have had to the Beatson. I don't how I would cope with bad news.

I have been trying not think about it but the stress has developed in other ways such as my stress stutter and nightmares. Can't handle either of these for much longer. The stutter is making me really self conscious a feeling I haven't had since secondary school. Strange how these things are sub-consciously there and you may not feel it but it shows on you.

I don't really feel stressed emotionally but I know I have been showing it with the stutter, nightmares and the odd snap every now and again. I have no idea what tomorrows outcome will be but please send me all your positive energy, prayers and think of me tomorrow at 1.30 thats when my appointment is. I will update my blog tomorrow when I get home so you know the results.

I can be in the clinic for a few hours so it maybe later on when I update. As tomorrow is the day I have my weight, bloods and side effects looked at. So they know my dosage for tuesday when I next get my intravenous chemo. Doesn't feel long enough the week off especially as had my scan Wednesday, psychologist on Thursday and still not fully got my energy this time round. Then boom Straight back into chemo mode tomorrow.

So the thought of the day is,

Well keep it for tomorrow and it's ME I need your energy.

Peace, Love and ME.


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