Monday, 22 February 2010

Blog No. 13.

Yes tomorrow is my last day of chemo for a week. I cant wait to not be regimented by these tablets. Forcing food down at awkward times just to take them. And a break from the daily struggle taking them. This is the week when my immune system is really down and when i get sick so its not much of a break. But just to not HAVE to take them means I can relax a little.

As you know i had a bit of dram at the doctors on Friday. But its been sorted out and they couldnt apologise enough. I also had my swine flu booster jab today. Not pleasant feels like being punched in the arm. Whilst in the waiting area I changed seat about six times. every time I moved someone else would sit next to me and be coughing. I would move to where there was loads of seats and each time they would sit right next to me. I thought how inconsiderate. So I had my gloves and scarves over mouth must've looked odd. with that and changing seat every 2 minutes.

Yesterday two of my very good friends came over to visit jo and kris. What a laugh we had making fun of jo, I wont say what about I think he had enough abuse for one day. Kris was very kind and gave me a copy of logic pro for my mac. Its a programme that allows you to make music. Its amazing and does so so much so now I have something to occupy my time and to phone kris up every 5 minutes and annoy him when i cant do something.

We had home made spaghetti bolgnaise home made by lovely glamorous assistant I mean sister claire. I feel exhausted today. Must have been too much excitement yesterday.

Being exhausted is starting to really get on my nerves. Its such a hard feeling to describe as its a tiredness without being tired enough to sleep. Just no energy and a great feeling of can't be bothered. I feel like I am forcing myself to do a lot of things but I need to do that otherwise I would do nothing at all. But its still hard getting used to doing nothing.

By the time I get energy back I am straight into chemo again. The joys of it all. I really wish I didn't have anymore to go when i start next week I will have 15 weeks left. Still a lot but a little less. I am hoping to get away in the summer to rest in the sun. Hopefully I wont have to do more chemo after this. I really think I would struggle with the thought of that. Continuing to live without living.

Its quite strange how normal my life can seem to me sometimes then I think or gt reminded that I am missing out on so much of the little things. One of my friends went to London and it was frustrating I wasn't there to take part in the fun. I really miss having fun. I will be honest I am not having fun at all just now and that's the one of the hardest things of this. If i was on the waltzers I would want to get off, but life's not a funfair just now and I cant get off.

Funny how i always talk about daft things like ice cream and waltzers. I must be 5 in the head. Oh well.

So today's thought is

salted popcorn or sugar?

peace love and roundabouts



  1. Keep strong darling.
    I love your blog you write beautifully.
    Wish you could be out partying again.
    Or doing the conga with strangers around Camden again.

    Deffo sugar popcorn salt is vile.

    Love Collagen xxxx

  2. hahahahaha that was so much fun i really miss those kinda things x

  3. well been to see avatar at the cinema,have you seen it,if not you should go,it great.did not have popcorn i had diet coke only,impressed eh ?!!!!Hope medication sorted,think claire ringing me at end of week,she left message on facebook for me, night night xxxx

  4. awh i want see avatar was it good? did you see it in 3d? theres an imax here where i want to go and see it. going to see tim burtons version of alice in wonderland there. looks AMAZING. i got a sleep sort of. and oo at diet coke lol.