I started writing todays blog yesterday trying to get ahead of my self. I don't think thats the way to do this as so much goes on and i feel different about yesterday than what I do today,
Surprisingly I felt ok yesterday morning when i woke up. But its only the second day of treatment.
I got up and had a bath as I was really dirty (no surprise). After I ate i had to wait half an hour then take the first lot of the tablets. Its 3 big ones and 2 smaller ones. There pink so they look fun at least. Swallowing them was a chore and 2 hours later i still feel ok. I do those ones twice a day at least 8 hours apart.
I will give a list of medication at the end of this entry so you can see what I am doing. Not everything is for cancer. But I have plenty of time and plenty of space to write about what everything's for.
The first set of tablets took a while to give any effect and it was mainly feeling drained. A weird sensation. Not tired but just no energy. It wasn't to bad and had disappeared after a few hours.
Then the second dose was due at 9.15pm. Same thing again. Nothing to major.
The only problems I had last night was not being able to sleep even on a cocktail of diazepam, temazepam, and zoplicone.
Last night was a rough night emotionally. I keep getting overwhelmed with feelings, all different about this disease. I felt like I am unable to go on with this and that its too much. That feeling is always there. I do have the strength to suppress it. It still rears its ugly head and I cried for hours. I don't feel like poor me or anything like that. But I have battled bi-polar for 10 years now and that was some fight. So this one seems like a kick in teeth after just getting well enough to live.
But i don't where the strength will come from and I wonder is all this fighting worth it?
Of course it is but this journey is so strange and that's the main feeling I have. It's like a real life soap opera my life except i can't change channel or be written another part.
I get nervous each day about what effects I am going to have as each day you get more. The chemo attacks every cell in your body, even the good ones. By next week I will be in hell. But hey I like hell this time of year.
The really random thing about the post days is I feel incredibly amorous to say the least. I feel like a 15 year old again, it's so funny. Who knew getting sick and pumped full of chemo would turn you on? maybe I shall start a new fetish and sell my meds online?
So now Wednesday and its treatment hour. This blog was probably quite crappy today but I am sick so I have an excuse.
thought for the day???
I like prawn cocktail skips...
peace love and trisha goddard.
PS med list (hold on tight)
Co-dydramol (dihydrocodine painkiller) 500/30mg every 4 - 6 hours
Dexamethasone (antis sickness/steroid) 2.5mg 3 times a day
xeloda (chemotherapy) 1800mg twice a day and at least 8 hours apart
lithium (mood stabiliser bi-polar) 600mg a day
zoplicone (sleeping pill) 7.5mg at night x 3
diazepam (relaxant) 10mg when needed
temazepam (sleeping pill) 10mg at night x3
I have more but thought that would be a wee teaser...