Sunday, 14 February 2010

blog No. 5.

So todays valentine's day how lovely for all us lonely whacko's.

I had a nice day yesterday I had friends come and see me which cheered me up. It took a lot out of me but it was worth it. I get more side effects each day and even more tired. I got to feel the breeze on me yesterday for 5 minutes which was amazing. Well until I started to choke on it no joke. Funny how something so small gives me so much pleasure.

I am slowly and I mean slowly finding the strength to go on with this. Its true what they say about it being a battle. Its a true battle of will, a battle of mind, a battle of body and a battle of soul. Every part of me is fighting and each day I loose a little of myself thats the price I feel I may have to pay.

I have a craving for ice cream today which wont go away and as i can't eat the stuff I know I am gonna go mad. I mean insane i want ben and jerry's chocolate fudge brownie with all those lovely chunks in it. Feeling it go down and satisfy me is all i can think of. I would even settle for an ice cream shake. MMMmmmm.

The good thing about this is I have to eat all the things that are bad for you. Loads of fatty sugary stuff to keep my weight up. There are things I have to avoid too such as, yoghurt as it contains live bacteria which can give me bugs and those bio drinks, the healthy stuff really. I find that strange.

Not as strange as not being able to eat ice cream. Maybe i will try some and just suffer?
God am I becoming obsessed with ice cream? I may have a problem I may need some professional help.

I may try going out in the air for 5 minutes again as yesterday that was amazing. It was like velvet at first soft and sweet and the smell of the air was magical. It kinda of danced around my senses and made me dizzy until it hurt me. Like a mean ex wife it teased me and danced around me until it took away my joy.

I am probably ranting today as cabin fever may have taking its toll on me?

I shall go now as I will start talking about ice cream again... mmmmmmm...

todays thought...

ben and jerry's or haagen daazs??

love and rocky road...


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