blog No. 10.

I am not coping with my lack of sleep. All the sleeping meds I am on no longer work. I am taking 5 of them instead of a half an I am still awake at night. I toss and turn and then i manage about 2 or 3 hours sleep. I am hoping the doctor will change my prescription for me today.

I am constantly cranky and my body is always aching. I might need to go for a massage soon but feel quite embarrassed of my body as I have lost so much weight in the past month or so. I am 6ft 2" and weigh just over 9st. Sorry I use old school measurements. I am a child of the eighties.

I am so excited for sunday as I will have software for my mac that will allow to make music. It will be such a release to do something I love. And I have so much time on my hands just now I will be able to submerge myself in it.

I miss dj'ing but i feel its something i will still be able to do. Just once a month. Its my passion in life and its all i have ever wanted to do and was doing it. But to not do that isn't an option. I have been told one of my old nights is welcome back so I am going to consider it and will probably do it.

Yesterday I took the first steps In pausing my London life. I have given my landlord and friend and flatmate/friend notice. I move out officially in April.

It feels weird knowing I wont be living in london. It makes sense as me and my sister will get a flat together in may so I will have my own space.

I am going to miss living with my friend billy. We have had the best time. I never want that to end. We met at a bus stop he asked do you want to move in and I did. Fair enough I had already known him 10 years but had lost touch for about 3 of those. And bumping into him on my birthday in may last year at a bus stop in vauxhal was so random then to move in. We would say that random people we'd just met for years "hi do you want move in" and then he says it to me and it happens.

I will miss him lying on my sofa telling me to zip and moaning about me smoking. He makes a gid dinner and would always say Shhh!!! through his bedroom wall to me.

we'd dance in the morning getting ready for work and party in the flat on the weekend and speak to no one else but us.

He would obsessivley talk about madonna and womens high heels, and all the stuff he was going to buy with his next wages. He never bought any of it having spending all his money on other stuff. I would nag him to do my hair every five minutes so we would have a hollywood salon and sit for hours hacking and tinting my hair. The laughs we had and our banter. everyone we knew had a nickname to us. I wont tell you any of them here.

But this time has come to an end and I will miss it dearly. He's an amazing guy and he's been there for me when I've needed him. I would kill for him. I am so happy to have him and the same goes to all of my friends.

Dont worry guys you'll all get your own mention eventually.

thinking about all our madness makes me smile.

I am going to miss london but most of all its the people I've come to know I will miss more. and more than that I'll miss the fact that all of my friends where just a tube ride away.

love you all guys

my thought for today is

red lorry or yellow lorry?

peace love and beetlejuice beetlejuice beetlejuice.

ps is it sunny outside?