I started writing todays blog yesterday trying to get ahead of my self. I don't think thats the way to do this as so much goes on and i feel different about yesterday than what I do today,
Surprisingly I felt ok yesterday morning when i woke up. But its only the second day of treatment.
I got up and had a bath as I was really dirty (no surprise). After I ate i had to wait half an hour then take the first lot of the tablets. Its 3 big ones and 2 smaller ones. There pink so they look fun at least. Swallowing them was a chore and 2 hours later i still feel ok. I do those ones twice a day at least 8 hours apart.
I will give a list of medication at the end of this entry so you can see what I am doing. Not everything is for cancer. But I have plenty of time and plenty of space to write about what everything's for.
The first set of tablets took a while to give any effect and it was mainly feeling drained. A weird sensation. Not tired but just no energy. It wasn't to bad and had disappeared after a few hours.
Then the second dose was due at 9.15pm. Same thing again. Nothing to major.
The only problems I had last night was not being able to sleep even on a cocktail of diazepam, temazepam, and zoplicone.
Last night was a rough night emotionally. I keep getting overwhelmed with feelings, all different about this disease. I felt like I am unable to go on with this and that its too much. That feeling is always there. I do have the strength to suppress it. It still rears its ugly head and I cried for hours. I don't feel like poor me or anything like that. But I have battled bi-polar for 10 years now and that was some fight. So this one seems like a kick in teeth after just getting well enough to live.
But i don't where the strength will come from and I wonder is all this fighting worth it?
Of course it is but this journey is so strange and that's the main feeling I have. It's like a real life soap opera my life except i can't change channel or be written another part.
I get nervous each day about what effects I am going to have as each day you get more. The chemo attacks every cell in your body, even the good ones. By next week I will be in hell. But hey I like hell this time of year.
The really random thing about the post days is I feel incredibly amorous to say the least. I feel like a 15 year old again, it's so funny. Who knew getting sick and pumped full of chemo would turn you on? maybe I shall start a new fetish and sell my meds online?
So now Wednesday and its treatment hour. This blog was probably quite crappy today but I am sick so I have an excuse.
thought for the day???
I like prawn cocktail skips...
peace love and trisha goddard.
xx
PS med list (hold on tight)
Co-dydramol (dihydrocodine painkiller) 500/30mg every 4 - 6 hours
Dexamethasone (antis sickness/steroid) 2.5mg 3 times a day
xeloda (chemotherapy) 1800mg twice a day and at least 8 hours apart
lithium (mood stabiliser bi-polar) 600mg a day
zoplicone (sleeping pill) 7.5mg at night x 3
diazepam (relaxant) 10mg when needed
temazepam (sleeping pill) 10mg at night x3
I have more but thought that would be a wee teaser...
jealous???
xx
christ! its like boots after a stock take! x
ReplyDeletehaha thats only most of them i have other lotions and crap too and mouthwashes blah blah but thats the pills anyways...
ReplyDeletexx
im really enjoying reading your blog its a fantastic way for you to put your thoughts out and an even better way for me to try and understand what your going thru and your honest thoughts on it. your one of the strongest people i know and as you said its like a kick in the teeth i dont know many people how would have got to twenty with your cards never ming this madness
ReplyDeletethank you lover. that means a lot to me. maybe i am invincinble i dunno hahah
ReplyDeleteI know Jody (very randomly) and he told us about your blog. I have a very good friend whos mum has just been diagonosed and I though reading your blog would be a good insight. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and feelings with the world. You are beng so honest and super strong. Keep strong babes!! Lots of love, Sam x
ReplyDeletewow.. thank you so much. hopefully i can help other people with this. its not a position i would find myself in an at any age never mind 26.
ReplyDeletei hope your friend and their mother are doing what they can. I only wish this disease wasnt real.
thank you for reading.
xxx
Of course it's not babes, I completely understand this. But when your dealt a card, you have to make the best of it and by helping others - you are certainly doing that. I'm 25 and I can only imagine what you are going through, but know that even people you have never met are out thee rooting for you! :) With a mate like Jody I am sure you have no short of laughs...But Keep strong! (I have passed your link to my friend to read x x x)
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