Friday, 5 March 2010

Blog No. 24.

So as I am watching Jeremy kyle's cocaine special I am writing this with the shakes of an addict.
I am so excited for this weekend. I have friends and visitors and I don't care how much I need to force myself I am seeing them.

I am still a lot better than last time, I am sleeping which I think is making the difference. I just have the shakes a lot and the cold and temp. change between rooms is a pain in the neck. But I have stuff look forward to and I am going to do as much as I feel I am fit too. I know what I can and can't do this time.

It's all a learning process. I am still learning and adjusting, especially after having the week off treatment and getting back to normal, my instincts return to normal like touching cold stuff.
Ooft heavy no no.

I still hate being locked away and wish I could just go out and do things. Its so hard not being able to get out and about. I have no sense of my freedom anymore, I am a prisoner of myself.
Its OK though as I have thing to look forward to this time and I kind of know what to expect with side effects etc...

I will still get sick as each day the chemotherapy attacks our body's cells. I feel its the chemo that drags my mind down as I loose myself in whats going on inside my mind and my life.

I am still mentally more upbeat than a few days ago, all my decisions and wishes are made for my life and I have accepted them and I am at peace with what may happen.

Just for today i will try to strengthen my mind. I will study, I will learn something useful. I will not be a mental loafer. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration.
Just for today I Will exercise my soul in three ways. I will do somebody a good turn, and not get found out; if anybody knows of it it will not count. I will do at least two things I don't want to do- just for exercise. I will not show anyone that my feelings hurt, as they may be hurt but today I will not show it.

My thought of the day is

If just for one day what you be or do?

Peace love and las vegas.

PS if you comment on blogs please do on most recent entry as I don't get notified of comments and have too many entries to check now thanks.


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