Tuesday, 9 March 2010

Blog No. 28.

Another day of nothing. Glad I have this club night to do on Saturday. Something to physically look forward to. I have the total chemo exhaustion. All I want is a shower and I cant get the energy to do it. Not one bit of life about me today at all. Such a struggle to do nothing just now.

I don't care how tired I am or if I am sick Saturday is going to be amazing. It has to be. I will put on my performers face and smile and force out a dance. Funny how simple everything can seem when its all so complicated. I found my simpler life complicated when I knew what I was and was able to do.

Funny how that now I don't know whats going on its all the simple things I notice. Maybe I am now just a simple boy I don't know.

I am still trying to find the drive to get washed. Its hard to describe to you this feeling of no energy. It's not like when your tired you would sleep. Its not that kind of tired at all. Mentally awake but your body's still in bed kind of thing.

It gets frustrating being tired. Being crabby and snappy. Not realising your being like a lion with toothache. Getting wound up at yourself more so than at others. So if any of you get in my way OOPS ha ha.

I think today will just be another blank day of daytime T.V. picking at food, maybe washing, and pill popping. See simple.

I am starting to feel quite breathless again usually happens with all this nothing I do. I excerpt myself and get puffed out. I am only typing and I feel like I have done an hours exercise. In fact I think its took me that long to type this much.

I am going to go now and try to cleanse myself and shave as I am getting annoyed and smelly...

my thought of the day is...

dry clean only or drip dry?

peace love and suds


1 comment:

  1. Paul...your blog is great...i just love how you are asking yourself all these questions. I can hear your strength and spirit moving through your words. It's beautiful. If you get a chance... get out 'a woman under the influence' by john cassavetes, one of me and gary's fav's. Its how my blog got started and so it's a small shrine at the moment! You might have to go to a music store to get it. xx love, peace and move over darlin xx