Blog No. 41.

Well last night was emotional. I am feeling better I guess after letting some of my pain out. I didn't get much sleep. I am starting to worry I maybe getting depressed and I need to be very careful of that as it clouds my judgement and opinion and makes you want to quit. I have a mind check up soon so have steps in action to watch what I am doing.

On a happier note I have a guy, he's so sweet and nice and when he's not here I miss him. He gives the best hugs and is just so sweet I wanna keep him in my pocket. I cant believe he has walked into my life with everything that's going on. The brave boy hehe.

I have now been given more sleeping pills just trying to brave the cold outside to go and get them as its pins and needles week.

I am getting bored of daytime T.V. but I can't really focus on much like reading as my mind wanders. I don't even know where it wanders to but it does and I loose the plot with book.

I just don't know whats going on anymore I am a walking conflict, I want one thing then contradict it by wanting something that's the opposite. The one thing I really don't want to become though is a statistic. I wanna live forever.

I mean I am in invincible I always have been. Guess that's why I am finding this so hard. This doesn't happen to me. Falling apart and not being in control. I always believed I was the boss and I was in control and now I have lost that. I am in fact, just lost and there's no map or tourist guide to help me.

I guess I will need to find my own path but, I don't know if I have the time to be looking.

The thought of today is,

If you where me what would you do?

peace love and time...

xxx