Wednesday, 10 March 2010

Blog No. 29.

I don't feel as bad today as the last 2 days but its still early and I hope it doesn't change. I have the dodgy chemo tummy so taking lots of anti sickness and diarrhea pills. Wont go into to much detail about my stomach but its not pleasant. My energy levels are a bit higher today and typing doesn't feel like a marathon.

But none the less I am still feeling drained and sick. But just not as bad. I have less than a week of this round med's left so I am more than half way through this cycle. Once I complete this cycle I will be 1/3 through this load of treatment. Sounds like a milestone but i still have 2/3's left to do.

Once I start the next cycle in 2 weeks I will be on my half way through, cycle which is when I will be really pushing through this. As I can see me getting to the end. Well what could be the end for now. I just hope that I get a break at the end of this as I don't think I could do much more.

As you can tell I am slightly sick and therefor slightly down. I am quite demotivated with it all. But give me next week when I am off and I will be OK until I have to start it all over again.

The thing that's starting to grab me is jade goody. We all made fun of her. Now I find myself in her shoes. It nearly a year since her death and I look at her life and I wonder if that's whats going to happen to me. I am not trying to jump on her band wagon but its scary this disease. And she is proof of how terrible it all is.

She like me didn't know she was ill and it was too late. I am too late to get fully better and I know its going to kill me. I just don't know, when but she at least had an idea.

I think of all the things I want to do and I don't know if there's any point doing them as what is the point in things, stuff places people. we are nothing but vessels seeking something out only yo never find it. Maybe the ones who don't seek are truly happy. But then we all seek something need it be happiness, love money or enlightenment.

I am never truly satisfied and now know I for one never will be.

My thought for the day...

Should we keep chasing?

peace love and races.


1 comment:

  1. Yeah, of course you should keep on chasing. The chase is all we have, in the end. Lots of love.