Blog No. 40.

Today I feel physically rough got those damn shakes and the nausea isn't exactly nice. I feel like I am going to have a mental breakdown. I just cant cope with anymore waiting around for doctors at appointments, being in clinics, being restricted. Being ill. It's not what I or any one else deserves.

Its like why tell me I am dying and put me through all this pointless painful and emotional stress and hardship. I feel like just take me now then its over. It seems to get worse each time I go and wait for 2 hours to be seen for my 10 minute appointment and then to be told bad news.

I just want them to tell me something positive so I can have something to work on and push me through this but with being told the cancer will only go away for a while and my body's too young to fight it well I am not sad just disheartened.

Mainly that I am going through all this chemo which is horrible I cant describe to you how bad it is. Its just horrible. I am fed up with its like torture as it just goes on and on and seems like it will be never ending.

I don't want to be tortured anymore I want peace and to live. Is that really too much to ask?

am I being selfish asking for the basic liberty that you all mostly have. LIFE

Life is a gift and don't any of you forget that when u worry about a bill not being paid, having a hangover, an argument its so small as whats the worse that can happen? its not like not paying that bill, falling out with someone or being hungover is going to result in your death via the route of excruciating torture first.

My thought of the day is....

Live your life for you never know when it will be taken away from you

peace love and harmonising...

xx