Blog No. 45.

So I got another appointment in my post today. I have to go for a CT scan of my chest, abdomen and pelvis are and lots of stuff you have to do for it too, like what you can eat the day before, and having to fast from midnight.

Dint know how it makes me feel, I hope the scan me and say its all been a mistake stop the treatment now, But it doesn't work like that. I wish it did tho. Could you imagine how amazing it would be if I had miraculously healed or that it was a mistake. I could just live again. No more chemicals being pumped into my veins, forced down my neck no more hospitals no more being sick.

JUST NO MORE.

As I am at the stage of no more. No more of any of it. I am currently thinking of stopping the chemo in the next few days. I cant do it anymore. I don't want to feel like this anymore I do want to feel alive and leave my life to fate, but I need to think about a little more like how quick would i die and what the other outcomes are.

But I just don't want this anymore, I really want them to give me good news. Maybe after this scan There will be some. I really need it or I am going to snap. Or explode I don't know but whatever ones bigger. I will do it.

I am looking forward to seeing Jodie today he's a theme and a gossip and knows what witches want. I also have the beau coming over today and he's accompanying me while I support Robots In Disguise tonight. Can't wait.

I am going to go and and brush my teeth and get ready.

My thought of the day?

Do you think I will get my miracle?

Peace love and C.T. scans

xxx